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Despite Recession, War, Black Market Holds Steady
HONG KONG -- Financial downturn, layoffs, and the worst recession in a decade on Wallstreet appears not to have affected its underground criminal counterpart, as the Black Market Stock Exchange opened this morning, gaining a healthy 57 points after a first day of trading.
Despite a supposed international crackdown on crime, investors were eager to catch on to what appears to be a period of relative criminal prosperity.
Organized crime has faired well over the last few weeks; New York's Mafia ring rose 17 cents this morning, putting the company at an even $20 a share, while in Europe, both the Sicilian and Russian Mafias have risen steadily over this last month, putting them at $38.06 and $29.78, respectively.
In the Asian crime market, the Tokyo based Yakuza soared to a record $59.42 after a very successful and prosperous season, while here in Hong Kong, the Chinese Triads crime syndicates gained a marginal 7 cents to put it at $27.52.
Crime economists say that the world-wide focus and devotion of resources on terrorism has left the rest of the criminal world to continue unobstructed, leaving promising market signs.
But of course, this all comes at a price, for the Terrorism stocks on the Black Market have taken a sharp nose-dive, indeed. Al-Qaeda, once the most prominant terrorist corporation, is now teetering on the brink of becoming a penny stock, after two months in which the stock dropped an astonishing 75 points.
Al-Qaeda chairman Osama bin Laden has tried to calm investors, assuring them his company is capable of making a full financial recovery in the coming months. "We ask for more confidence from our investors," an Al-Qaeda senior VP of labor relations said during an interview while explosions could be heard from afar, "We have decided, after some debate, to move our base of operations out of Afganistan, but are capable of operating in numerous other locations."
Investors, though, are weary of holding on to a stock of whose company's senior leadership is being hunted down like animals in Afgan mountain caves.
In Palestine, the Hamas terrorist organization is also facing economic setbacks, after having all of their assets frozen by the U.S. government, along with constant military pressure from the Israelis, leaving the company at 20 cents a share.
The Black Market Stock Exchange closed Friday at 1,209.73. |  | The Basilisk |
