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--MYSTERY LETTER--
I received this rather hefty envelope in the mail a few days ago, and it's left me fascinated ever since.
As can quite plainly be seen, the flashy lettering on the letter's cover appear to be painting a portrait depicting a lethal pathogen invasion of our nation, with no hope, millions to be slaughtered, and that the only way I'll be able to count myself among the few lucky survivors of this siege, is to read the startling discoveries on page one inside. The back of the letter no less prophetic, if not a bit more up-beat. 
This is one of the most aggressive advertising techniques I've ever come across; a kind of showy melodrama reminiscient of 1940's war propaganda.
While the front of the letter has succeeded in instilling uncompromising panic and fear into the very depths of my soul, suddenly... a glimmer of hope is to be found on the back cover. So it appears that a miraculous cure has been discovered that will kill these genocidic bacteria, these germs that LAUGH at man-made antibiotics. And, apparently if I don't take up this offer soon, they may never be available at any price! Wow, and a free trial offer inside, what a deal!
In all fairness though, their bold persuasive techniques apparently succeeded, as I ventured further, reading the contents inside. 
I found the interior of the letter to be no less earth-shattered, nor enlightening.
I always admire the constant sense of urgency been emoted throughout the text, and it does appear, from the very first line, that I've received this letter just in time.
This prologue actually does highlight some very real concerns about spreading diseases through our global transportation system, but not surprisingly our advertisers have once more grossly overstated and exaggerated the situation, as I think it's safe to assume that these same peoples who are sleeping every night under the same roof with animals that are covered with open infections probably aren't going to be found flying business class to LaGuardia.
Serious issues at hand here? Certainly, but let's not replace hype and drama with actual science.
Still, at this point I was entranced by the sense of direness and compelling significance to the urgent situation at hand.
And so we read on. 
Just to the right of the first exert we come across a very disconcerting picture, indeed. Apparently the plane on the right (according to the caption below) is carrying a deadly new disease, which if the cover of the letter holds any precedence, may very well spell doom and utter obliviation for mankind.
Will my immune system be capable of protecting me from the Somalian farmboy on this plane who's carrying the deadly ebola virus, and watching an in-flight showing of The Goonies while eating his Northwest Airline issued chicken salad? Of course not. But wait... I am mistaken. I too can be one of the few invulnerable survivors if I purchase or sponsor the advertisers' product.
As it turns out, we're not being pitched a miracle cure as it would seem, but rather, a book, perhaps describing this miracle cure to come.
Sure to be a New York Times best seller. 
 The letter continues on for another few pages (which I won't subject you to) to describe the awesome killing power of this anti-germotic miracle drug.
The text tells me that I absolutely must "start using these Anti-Germotics THIS VERY MOMENT!" That they are "Nature's own Super-Defenders!" Apparently, these drugs are capable of treating cancer, halting allergic reactions, increases muscle mass, lowers body fat, reduces acne, stops myriad infections, and may even hold the key to halting the aging process altogether.
The scientific termonology is also very clearly shown here, as this treatment "Builds new immune 'factories' in your body! These 'factories' spew out billions of 'immune guided missiles' that blow apart attacking germs!" Well it's very reassuring to know that I'll have billions of ICBM warheads zooming through my immune system. Not only that, but "You can practically hear the germs and viruses sizzling!" Now after reading through the entire four and a half page letter, I have come a few inexorable conclusions.
First, I have a hard time accepting the idea that any drug so powerful that it launches 'immune-guided missiles' at pathogans, and that I can 'practically hear the germs and viruses sizzling', is even remotely natural (or safe for that matter), and thus calling it 'nature's super-defender' is completely unfounded.
Secondly, I have a hard time accepting (as I'm sure many of you out there may disgree with...) that this miracle cure is nothing short of a brilliant, brilliant hoax. At the very least, there's usually some sort of catch of sorts to these miracle treatments. Yet we never hear of any side-effects, nor whether this treatment is entirely safe to be used on human subjects; only that's it's YOUR ONLY HOPE FOR SURVIVAL. I keep up with the news on a semi-regular basis, and I've yet to hear of a miracle cure stifling the TB epidemic in Russia, or curing the thousands killed by influenza every year. But all we have here is some punchy persuation coupled with what is most like a spew of empty promises. Maybe this profound announcement would have held more sway with me had it been released by the CDC, instead of Joe's Book Barn.
Thirdly, I've decided NOT to buy the book. Not simply out of spite, but rather my reasoning to this decision is much deeper. Either "A", nothing will happen and I'll have wasted a clean crisp $30, or "B", a deadly pathogen will invade the nation and the only people left alive will be those who were gullible enough to buy this book (I'm guessing a combination of conspiracy theorists, lonely single men, and the elderly). Considering the options, I'll take death thank you very much. 
But there's something else this intruiging letter has taught me, modeling society as a whole.
The answer comes from the exert on the left, which illustrates the dangers of anti-biotics use and abuse. Unlike the rest of the letter, I actually took this exert to heart, as it highlights an issue I feel is of great concern.
When anti-biotics were first introduced to the world, it was seen as a miracle drug, one which would end the great scourge of mankind that is bacterial infection. Well after ending thousands of years of besiegement from these diseases, we quite soon became overwhelmed with overconfidence.
Now most households own anti-bacterial soaps, anti-bacterial shampoos, etc. Our miracle drug has become so commonplace we forget what value it really holds, and more importantly, we forget that life will endure. More than a billion years of evolution isn't going to leave the legions of scurrying bacteria thwarted so easily. Thus, natural selection leaves us, as the letter so eloquently puts it, with 'Super-Germs', immune to any known forms of anti-biotics.
Unfortunately, the solution this text is offering, just isn't quite addressing the problem at hand. If these germs are capable of adapting to anti-biotics, who's to say they won't accomplish the same feat with this new anti-germotic miracle drug? And ye gods! I shudder to think what would become of us when and if bacteria grow who are strong enough to survive immune-guided missile attacks.
Whether or not this treatment is genuine is not actually my biggest concern, nor the reason I've written this article. For the problem as I see it, is not our technique, the drugs we are using, or bacterial evolution; it is us. Human nature is the true problem, and until we learn to address these issues, we're in no position to try and eradicate human disease.
Selfishness is the true motivator here. We live in a nation which consumes a quarter of the world's energy and resources (leaving billions globally impoverished), and when we begin to finally endure the consequences of our actions, we take the easy way out and search for more resources to exploit, or more miracle cures as the case may be.
Rather than trying to germ-proof our meat and poultry, why not urge Americans to reduce their intake of these foods, so that farmland could overtake cattle pastures, thus increasing food production, and helping to end both hunger and disease in regions where they run rampant. Why not? Because Americans absolutely do not care about these issues until begins to affect mainstream USA, and even then, our society is reluctant to change our way of life, however destructive and wasteful it may be.
I'm not sure I'm completely fine with the idea of ridding diease entirely. Perhaps I rather like the idea of nature holding that one last trump card, capable of devastating humanity, and there's nothing we can do about it. Perhaps we need to have a lethal pandemic sweep through our civilization; one which will strike the human race down like the bacterial parasites we truly are; one which will bring our species to the brink of extinction because we will not adapt and are so stubbornly set in our ways; one which will, at the very least, HUMBLE mankind, and show us that despite popular belief, we are NOT the masters of the universe, and that it was not simply crafted for our enjoyment.
No, bacteria and disease are nature's true super-defenders. 
Perhaps this flamboyant advertisement doesn't represent mainstream society, you may be saying to yourself; well, perhaps you are right, but obviously the quack who wrote this book and paid for this article has gained enough popularity and press from mainstream America to send his product to the home of a well-distinguished editor of an online newsletter, and that's quite enough to set me off.
Well perhaps my doctor will weep in despair over my corpse which has been ripped away by flesh-eating bacteria, but at least I'll have the consolation of knowing that I never joined ranks with these parasitical microbes, as so much of our society today has.
That's all for this month! |
